Love - is it really forever?

I used to wonder when people divorced or broke up after a long relationship, how is it that they had forgotten that they once loved each other, worshipped the ground the other person walked on, was so totally lost in their eyes, soul, body, mind and all encompassing passion? Can't they find their way back to how it used to be? And how sad that the relationship is breaking up, how sad for the history, how sad for them.

I've done it - twice - very long term - with the same person. How could I get to this again? I am broken and lost and so not sure of what the next step can be or will be. I feel unappreciated and unloved. Although I am told that of course I love you, of course I find you attractive and of course I find you sexy. But alas, actions do speak louder than words and troubles in the bedroom and abounding, one-sided.

I am at the end of my rope and am tired that I work like a dog and am not thought about, looked upon or even cared that I do. I feel like a money bank, I feel like my only purpose is to work 'all' the jobs that I have - and I can't count them on one hand. It has become noticeable to me that all that I am good at is working and bringing in the money.

How did I allow this to happen again?

My Soul and World

Both of my boys graduated this year. One from college and one from high school. How did that happen? It seems like yesterday they were just little guys running around the yard and hitting each other with a stick.

Today they both are so close, but have their own interest.

My youngest a total extrovert is so way out there that he makes us laugh - constantly. People are drawn to him, he has that special quality and aura about him that allows people to identify with him. He's a great musician, actor, has a passion that is undeniably his own. He is my world and my sunshine.

My oldest is the opposite - introvert - but not to the extreme. He has a kind heart and is a great leader. His goal is to build robots, the bigger the better, he has such a technical mind. He is my soul and my first born. We are alike in so many ways and at times I wonder how can I be more like him.

They are both good looking and well natured to boot that makes them easy targets for the young ladies. BUT, they both have their own personal beliefs and faith about that which is identical.

I will miss them so much as life journeys happen, but can only be grateful that I was given the opportunity to be their mom.

Just another day in paradise

So, I spent most of my time on the freeway, not getting to my destination, at all. I turned around twice and now in hindsight, I should have kept going the first time. So, for anyone reading this - just keep going, don't turn back.

I am not a bad person, but I am not nice either. I am too quick to judge, quick to speak and at times could really care less what anyone thinks. But because of this people think that I don't have any feelings, that I enjoy being the way that I am, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

No one and I mean NO ONE takes into consideration how I feel and that I work like a dog - to the point that people think I LIKE working - who the hell likes working!!!!!!

Things are falling apart and quite frankly I could care less. buhahaha to all of you that think I do. Oh and by the way, if you have anything to say, say it to my face~)

Life as it is today

I hate my life. Okay maybe hate is a strong word, but I just want the world - my world - to stop spinning. I voice it - all the time - but no one hears. They just think I am blowing steam. I wonder - and can't quite pinpoint - when I am become insignificant to not be heard. I am overwhelmed, I am tired of wasting - everything - money, emotions, words....

Do you think anyone is ever really heard?